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Ah Ah moment.
Watching Satyen do the Somatic Aspect Integration on a brave soul and share that you cannot create real change and transformation on top of charge. That makes so much sense to me. The ego, the intellect trying to force change that has been stored on a much deeper level. How I am noticing my own change is a return to a pure heart. That is where contact and true connection happens from. I see how superficial my interactions and relationships were because I was always looking at them in terms of supporting my ego. Realising this is such a release for me (that I cried) because deep down intuitively I know, that pure heart is my truest nature.